I think I’m really onto something with the whole f-list thing because once I logged off my blog the other night I kept adding to it until my crankiness ran dry and my sunny disposition was restored to it’s rightful place: behind and to the left of my acerbic disposition which is in turn located somewhere in the upper regions of my thoracic cavity behind my sternum.
At first the additions to the f-list were completely logical magnets for the hatred shared by every rational human being: the Lakers, speed bumps, inventors of shows like Sorority Forever because really, how could you watch an episode of Sorority Forever and not want to punch the cast, creators, producers, network execs, advertisers and every sorority girl within a fifty mile radius square in the jaw? Hell, I wanted to stick myself in the eye with a red-hot poker for the sin of having sat through it without throwing my television into the street.
Anyway. So somewhere between adding item #21 (Kobe Bryant) and item #3,284,091 (sorbitol) I realized that I had become significantly more chipper. It would seem that when one burns so far through a list of stuff that one would like to drop-kick off the face of the earth that one is resorting to sugar substitutes and films in Esperanto that one can have feasibly purged oneself of homicidal urges that make one a threat to oneself and others.
Also, it helped that in the course of reading through comments and e-mails I was treated to te f-lists of others and will include them here:
Kaylia’s F-List:
Bosses
Micromanagers
The Stock Market
Radical Rights
Radical Lefts
Makers of the Push Up Bra
Expiration Dates That Lie
Anonymous Comments And Those Who Leave Them
Starbucks
Closed Minded Nutcases
My Pile of Dirty Laundry
My Pile of Clean Laundry
Country Music
American Idol
Political Commercials
Emo Kids
Dress Codes
Bottled Water
Mechanical Pencils
DHL
People Who Refuse to Wait Their Turn
Drivers Who Refuse To Wait Their Turn
Any Driver Who Has Ever Hit A Pedestrian
That ASSHOLE Who Hit Me Last Week
/deep breath/
Josephson’s f-list is, reportedly, me.
He didn’t submit an f-list but I can guarantee that my brother would agree with Josephson.
Malathionman took the f-list in a new direction and included every disease-free female in North America who looks tolerably well without the assistance of a paper bag over her head.
Jay’s f-list is unique in that it brings together ESPN and the Amish:
ESPN
The NFL
Reality TV
The Weatherman on TV
The Amish
TV Political Analysts
TV Sports Analysts
TV Financial Analysts
All TV Analysts of any kind
Kids
Shirtless dudes in Wal-Mart
Political ads (especially local politicians and their pathetic attempt at humor)
People who engage in the Mac v. PC argument
Joe the Plumber
April was too nice to post an f-list although I would be willing to bet she secretly harbors nasty thoughts about styrofoam.
Tracy’s f-list crushed me with her hatred of Prius’s but then she invoked Dr. G and won me over again:
1. The handful of parents at my kids school who have made it so the kids can’t wear their costumes to school on Halloween day or have Christmas parties or pageants – so now we have to have “Winter Party” instead.
2. Prius owners – because unless you crushed your old car you have accomplished nothing. Your old car is still on the road and now you have added another one.
3. Actors/tv shows that use their sitcom/time slot to make their personal political statements. If I wanted to see/hear that I would be watching CNN or Fox. Please give me a warning at the beginning of the show that you are going to throw this in my face so I can go watch something else like Dr. G Medical Examiner.
4. The welfare system
So dear readers I am asking again – for the sake of election year therapeutic purposes – are there any more f-lists out there? I’m collecting assignments in (checks imaginary watch) 48 hours.
…and now I’m off to a weekend at the ocean for a little environmental therapy of my own. Read you in a couple days!