Since I live in the non-Tahoe part of California I’ve never experienced a “white Christmas” which, thanks be to God, the holy spirit and little baby Jesus for the small favor of having been allowed to be born in an area where a light patina of frost constitutes a “hard winter” because honestly? I’ve been known to convulse in the presence of weather colder than 58 degrees.

Still, a non-snowy-definitely-above-58-degree-California-Christmas does have its drawbacks. Like the fact that I can’t get through a single holiday meal without having to hear overly liberal family members argue that Bush bakes his bread with the blood of Katrina refugees in between congratulating themselves on being so open minded.

This is why the holidays always find me staring at the Jell-O salad meaningfully because even though my political opinion basically goes something like, THOU SHALT MIND THINE OWN DAMNED BUSINESS, I find it impossible to shut off the logic center of my brain long enough to engage in conversation with people who really do believe that Obama is going to usher in a puppy-and-rainbow-filled world of universal healthcare and government freebies which is practically guaranteed to make Europe start liking us again. Because, you know, France’s opinion matters.

So I’ve spent the majority of my holidays with my face down in a plate of food and avoiding the urge to stick a fork in someone’s eye while my kids engage in an all-fudge-all-the-time diet and careen off the walls at 175 MPH.

At this point I suppose I should feel lucky that I’m not in prison or a rubber room.

Anyway, onto business. For those of you who were 2008 death pool participants, I plan on announcing the winner on January 1st. At this point I am opening up registration for the 2009 death pool, so if you plan on joining us for next year’s gaggle of grim guessers – and you can withstand the awesome force of my awful aliteration – feel free to e-mail me at elkgroverunner-at-gmail-dot-com to find out how to pay your $5 and submit your lists.