So I have a few readers – those from Canada specifically - who have gently inquired in the polite way that I have come to know as being characteristic of our friends from the North about why I would allow a certain ridiculous comment in the last post to stand unchallenged.

The answer is easy: Like the title above suggests, I don’t argue with idiots. It’s a waste of my time. If you are a decent human being whose mama has raised you right it is a waste of your time too.

Not that I have never argued with idiots. There was a time when -as a vigorous young college student – I felt it my sacred duty to put the verbal beat-down on anyone who disagreed with my point of view. It wasn’t hard for me to “win” in these exchanges, seeing as how I was a graduate of the James Michener school of verbosity and have always possessed the energy of ten thousand yapping chihuahuas. 

(Typically my sparring partner would give up: not because I was right, but because I had a habit of physically outlasting anyone who challenged me.)

Since then, however, I have changed my mind.

It happened one day while I watched one of those Explorer documentaries on the National Geographic channel. The subject of this particular program was white supremacy and while I can’t remember the bulk of it (the documentary wasn’t one of NG’s better attempts) there was one scene in which a group of be-sheeted KKK members had rallied on the steps of some public building. Or at least they were attempting to, because while the march may have originally been intended as a recruitment event it was clear that it was better attended by hordes of angry residents (both black and white) who were absolutely pissed that their streets had been taken over by a bunch of swaddled redneck jackasses.

I’d assert here that I can’t blame the residents but that would be digressing.

So anyway, while the embattled members of the KKK (and I refer to these guys as “embattled” in the same way I might refer to Fred Phelps should he ever find his way into a windowless room filled with gold star mothers) worked their way up the parade route I noticed something very interesting; their police escort was heavily manned by men and women from the local law enforcement detail… a good number of whom were black.

So…

#1 – In the KKK you had a group who, no matter how ignorant and disgusting their message is, has an inarguable and constitutional right to assemble peaceably.

#2 – You had the counter-demonstrators who were exercising their own constitutional right to publicly decry the event.

#3 – You had the requisite law enforcement outfitted in riot gear with batons encircling the KKK folks in order to prevent them from being torn to pieces by said counter-demonstrators.

#4 – And! There was nary a recruit in sight. Maybe because even in the South showing up to participate in such a disgusting spectacle without having your identity hidden by mom’s best egyptian cotton is a sure way to get your ass kicked when the cops aren’t looking.

I’ll admit it was quite a sight watching several white supremacists being protected by the very people they deride as inferior. But then again, I thought, maybe it’s not so awful.

Obviously I don’t know any of those officers personally and if the program featured interviews with any of them I don’t recall it. I have no way of knowing what was going through their minds as they performed their duties to protect free speech that day.

That being said, it did occur to me that there was really no reason the KKK should have ruffled the feathers of those officers in the least. When you get down to it, the very reason the police were there was because the KKK and it’s message is so wildly opposed that the group required police protection in the first place. Why should those officers lower their personal standards by engaging in behavior that was anything but dignified? Why should any of them have wasted their breath uttering contempt for a relic of an ugly past that is clearly dying?

In other words, why did I expect any of those officers to waste their time pointing out that the KKK was an ignorant group of hateful misanthropes when the retards were more than willing to throw on a few sheets and prove it themselves?

And that, my friends is why I don’t argue with idiots. If you want to make stupid comments, spew hateful rhetoric, or behave like a bigoted moron then be my guest. So long as you restrict yourself to the realm of free and protected speech and don’t violate the laws of this country then knock yourself out. Your inability to think critically and relate to others in a mature manner is a poor reflection on you, not me.

Also, I don’t know about the rest of my readers but I’m a very busy person. I don’t have the time nor do I have the desire to run around the blogosphere arguing with every bed-wetter with internet access. The way I see it, these folks should be actively encouraged to reveal their particular brand of stupidity since it is only by their words that we can recognize and better ignore them. 

Which is why I don’t argue with the jackasses anymore. If those officers could – in the midst of a situation that carried over a century of hurt and ugly history – conduct themselves in a dignified manner while protecting people who hate them then I can certainly ignore a few bigoted and ignorant comments left on a freakin’ blog.

But! As you can probably tell from that brilliant intro I’m going to do just that. Talk politics, I mean. But only a little.

Ok, so y’all know I live in California. A blue state. A place where tofu is considered an acceptable alternative to meat, divorcing couples fight over custody of pets, Dubya is blamed for everything from bad haircuts to hurricanes, and Global Warming is the official religion. So much for setting.

Alright. So there I am sitting at a stoplight when a car festooned with bumper stickers pulls up next to me. Do I even need to tell you of what political persuasion this car and it’s driver were?

I mean, it’s not like you see many conservatives driving around in thirty-five-year-old Volkswagen squarebacks with fifty bumper stickers that say stuff like “Hurray for Nuclear Bombs!” or “Eat the Poor”. Know why? Because conservatives know that slapping those stickers on a car fucks up the paint and they aren’t going to ruin their resale value just to tell the world that they (heart) a flat tax.

So anyway, I’m sitting there at the light, reading through the 1,500 word Green Party endorsement stickered to car next to me when the driver flicks her cigarette out the window.

Hello! Can Marlboro butts biodegrade on asphalt?

Apparently not, according to the yuppie driver of a car directly behind Hippie Girl, who began to lay on her horn and start screaming something about littering. Well, this got Hippie Girl to screaming back and The Yuppie responded by screaming louder which would have been all fine and good (if strange) except for the fact that the ruckus wasn’t contained to just these two cars.

This is where I come in. Hippie Girl, of the eco-friendly-black-smoke-spewing VW, thought that I was the person who had originally honked at her. So, instead of dragging The Yuppie in the car behind her out and beating her like Reginald Denny, she directed a rather loud and profanity-laced diatribe toward me.

I sat at that light and tried to ignore this chick for what seemed like an eternity. Hippie Girl and The Yuppie bitched at each other, with brief interludes during which Hippie Girl laid off The Yuppie to scream at me a little more. It was… dare I say it? A bizarre hate triangle.

Hippie-girl’s face became weirdly contorted as she grew more incensed, until she finally got out of her car at which time she turned to face the yuppie and gave her the double-fisted bird. Then she turned to me (and I swear I did not utter one damned word during this entire psychotic episode) and through my sunroof I could hear her scream,

“You fucking SUV driving cunt! You make me sick! Why don’t you go to Iraq and fight our illegal war for oil? Huh? Huh? Stupid bitch! Get a hybrid!”

At this point, for some immature reason that can probably be traced back to the fact that my parents spanked me or something, I felt obliged to respond. So I rolled down my passenger side window, smiled, and said “Guess what? I voted for Bush… TWICE!”

…and then Hippie-Girl’s head exploded.