Have any of you – particularly my female readers – had this ever happen to you?
You’re cruising through life – a normal life - in which the Law of Average prevails to preclude both Uninvited Death & Dismemberment in addition to its equally extreme but polar opposite sister Daily Throes of Ecstasy.
So there you are, in your average life doing various “things”: the help-the-kids-with-homework thing, the make-dinner thing, carpool-in-the-mornings thing, the PTA thing, the send-out-Christmas-cards thing in addition to other equally mundane things. You’re getting “it” done. No grocery list or committee assignment stands a chance once it’s on your to-do list. You’ve got this normal life thing down.
…and it makes you want to run screaming to San Francisco International where you can find a one-way flight to Phnom Penh.
Except that you can’t, you see, because you have a husband and kids. And even though the husband likes to pull the covers over your head after he farts and the kids have this annoying habit of shedding trails of clothing coated in gunk that looks suspiciously like the Godiva chocolate you purchased last week, you love them.
Also, it doesn’t hurt that your mom dumped you when you were a teenager and that abandonment spurred you to swear up, down and sideways that You Would Never Do That To Your Own Children Even When Your Own Children Do Their Level Best To Make You Crazy.
Has this ever happened to you?
Have you ever been grateful for the fact that you are able to stay home with your kids and enjoy full-time motherhood while simultaneously wondering why you didn’t run like hell from these little humans that want, want, want? Have you ever wondered Just why did we sell the big house and buy the much smaller house again? and then realized Oh yeah. Because I was the one who was adamant that our children would have a stay-at-home parent. And then you call the nice lady at the pharmacy and have your prescription for Zoloft refilled. And inquire about any extra Vicodin that might happen to be lying around.
Anyone? Has this happened to you?
Has anyone ever wondered why having kids seems like a relatively good idea until you are faced with the cold, hard fact that your progeny are congenitally incapable of understanding that Mommy has heard their pleas for McDonald’s and yes she would very much like to see them chomping away on Happy Meals but it’s going to be a few minutes because she has just spent the last couple of hours crying in the fetal position on the floor and, well, she needs to pull herself together. And yes, she realizes that you are eight and three-years-old so you don’t really care about her problems, but the nice lady who takes your order might be provoked into calling child protective services if Mommy shows her face in public while looking like she’s a half-tank of gas away from leaping off the Golden Gate Bridge.
Has anyone ever felt the immense guilt of looking at their lives and acknowledging on a purely logical level that their life is good, terrific even? That their needs are met? That they want for nothing? Except a little freedom? And to have their existence acknowledged? And maybe throw in a box of Godiva chocolates since their kids ate the other box while hiding in the pantry?
Has anyone ever received a call from their brother just as he is boarding a plane bound for Japan and secretly thought, Why did you have to call me right now? With this? You do realize that I would love nothing more than to get out of this country for a while, right? And that I can’t even find the time or cash to get out of Elk Grove?
Has anyone ever developed an interest in off-the-wall stuff just to shake things up? To see the world from a perspective that isn’t so damned mundane? I can’t be the only one who’s gone back to school and taken up dangerous hobbies to stave off the soul-crushing effects of ”normal”.
Anyone? Bueller?
Alright. Time to get off the computer and shake this funk. Or run away to Thailand. I haven’t decided yet.
