Did anyone realize that it’s already November 9th? I sure as hell didn’t. Seems like just yesterday I was encouraging my offspring to maim each other with roman candles and then BAM! All the sudden it’s winter.
Ok, it’s not really winter. Not around here anyway. Raise your hand if you’re from Michigan and that last sentence made you want to kick my ass.
Moving right along, let us all bow our heads in remembrance of the Berlin Wall. That monstrosity fell eighteen years ago and I was lucky enough to finagle a piece of it during a trip to Europe that now hangs in my office. You have no idea how many starving socialists I flashed at Checkpoint Charlie for that damned bit of concrete.
Today I was running errands, one of which involved going to Capitol Aquarium. While we were there my daughter started pointing at the tanks which were fully stocked with the latest shipment of saltwater fish. Since I’m always game to blow $50 on the next critter to buy the farm in my big tank I indulged her curiosity and we browsed the selection.
So mesmerized was I with the sea anemones and corals that I completely ignored the sucking sounds coming from knee level until I felt a cold, wet hand go up my shorts. As I turned around I was horrified to see my daughter stick her hand into a ground-level tank, pull out her saturated sleeve and suck the brine right out of it. For the record, the fish were probably more traumatized than my daughter.
Oh, and the controversy surrounding this woman reminds me of an incident that occurred during my second pregnancy. I was two weeks away from my due date and working out on a stairmaster at the gym when a guy next to me said “If you were my wife I’d be damned if I let you go to the gym while pregnant.”
To which I felt obligated to reply, “And if you were my husband I’d be damned if I gave you a blowjob until you got rid of that attitude.”
Asshole.
To all the people I owe e-mails, I’m sorry. It’s been hell around here the past few days and I promise to answer. It might be January, but dude, I swear I will answer.
Denise, you rock. You’re a damned talented artist and wonderful human being and I adore you. Especially since you have yet to let my husband know what a dork I was in high school and college. You’re not going to tell him are you? Because I totally think I have him snowed.
Jenn, I just love you. Love, love, love you. In that totally platonic I’m-already-married-but-if-I-weren’t-I’d-seriously-consider-switching-to-chicks kind of way.
Kevin, you’re thoughts on our faith and life blow me away. You are probably the most cerebral person I’ve encountered in matters regarding all things God and music and life and you make me happy to be Catholic.
Blondie, good luck with your move. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping that you are able to sharpen your ninja-like wallpaper removal skills before taking up residence in Omaha.